I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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