just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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