I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
