i jhust puked up my retainher.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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