my vag is so smooth its legendary
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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