Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
