boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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