u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
