I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
