just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
