i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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