I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
