I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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