Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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