im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
