Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Randomize
