It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
