We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
