i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Randomize
