he puts the penis in happiness.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Randomize
