"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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