Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(602): View more from Arizona

I am full of burrito and curiosity

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(317): View more from Indiana

cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome

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(+25): View more from

We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?

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(778): View more from British Columbia

He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?

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(224): View more from Illinois

That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.

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(816): View more from Missouri

Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night

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(615): View more from Tennessee

Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.

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(510): View more from California

My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.

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