I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
