About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize
