so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
