It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
