Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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