Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
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