I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
