The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
organizing the empties. That sober.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
