Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
