Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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