Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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