That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
