I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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