Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
