After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
