I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
You may now shotgun with the bride
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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