420 ftw
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
