dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
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