His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
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