taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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