Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Bring me that man meat
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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