You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
