dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
