Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize