Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
