Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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