We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize