Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
