Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
