If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
i think i just lost a toe
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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