The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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