'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
