Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
