i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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