You're so nebulous sometimes
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
