Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
We were destined to go to rehab together
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
