What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize