Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
