KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
