they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
