You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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