haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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