Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
