Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
