"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
