Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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