Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
